Training Like Rocky Ain't Easy, But It Pays Off

I got a 6-pack, I'm drinking, and I wouldn't have had the ability to beat up the dude what done tried to steal it from me if I hadn't been training like Rocky. UFC guy Mike Doe was there too, but he mostly just focused on punching this one fool who made the mistake of looking at him funny. I understood, cause I'm the same ways myself.

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Rocky Ain't Ever Done No Twitter

But Mike Doe is already cracking jokes at http://twitter.com/mikedoe.

Training Like Rocky for the Double Deuce

I've been beating up on Wino Pete and other assorted "tough" guys and derelicts in preparation for my trip to Jasper, Missouri, to help out my man Dalton from Road House kick some ass and take some name at the Double Deuce. Now, Dalton's more of a "Zen" guy, whatever the hell that means, but me, well, I like to trow punches and worry about the repercussions later, if at all.

That's just one of the South Philly Rules, my friends. Some things will never change. And Brad Wesley and all his progeny, you damn clones, you better get ready to take a beating, or else!

Training Like Rocky...Doing Pushups

Legend has it that Rocky Balboa would do 100 one-arm pushups every morning before eating eight raw eggs.

Even Dalton from Road House would have to be impressed.

Training Like Rocky ... Red Meat, Baby!

I've been loading up on red meat, trying to get my proteins and irons and whatnot to a higher increased level so my head-banging skills will increase accordingly. This is what training like Rocky is all about. Keeping it scientific.

Training Like Rocky...By Chasing Headless Chickens

This one speaks for itself. You cannot believe how quickly a chicken will move when it's freed from its head! Chasing such a chicken increases your quickness and also helps build the killer instinct every good fighter needs.

Training Like Rocky...By Drinking Less!

I decided to take a vow to drink less, in honor of my man, Rocky Balboa. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not doing nothing crazy like giving up the sauce altogether. No, that would be crazy. Instead I'm going to try to drink just to the point of drunkeness, and then only have a drink or two after, instead of just going until I pass out.

Yo, Wino Pete, you maybe could follow this advice, too, ya bum!

So I'm drinking less. Already I feel my hangover's going away!